I jump, you think

Tonight i walked in the rain, for about 40 minutes, alone. Which probably wasnt very smart seeing as im still kinda sick, and the dampness that comes from the rain isnt very good for the imune system. But I did it, and i must say it was relaxing. I was able to talk to a dear friend about some issues ive been having these past few days, and they gave me their opinion, and i value that. But as they talked i realized something.

I am an emotional girl.

Shocking i know. But come on, lets face it. Im 17, hormonal, crazy, complex, filled with issues and im fiercely independant. Put all these things together and your bound to have some slightly twisted emotions. Alot of time i make choices based on how i feel at that moment, and then i walk away and the feeling changes, yet im left with the before mention decision. And then, what do i have to do? Go and fix that which i did before. ANd alot of times it includes eating my words and even sometimes hurting people. Like myself.

i dont always think before i speak, or act for that matter. i just do. spontinaity is alluring, or so i hear. but this always seems to come back and get me. Why cant i just wait and let God do his thing FIRST. not jump in and then have the God lesson be taught. I have such a desire to learn and grow, and i just cant seem to get it right. Meaning i dont take the time to learn and grow. I expect it to just be poured into my head and my heart and that ill just live it. too bad it doesnt work that way. Im a nut case. i should be sent to the psych ward. too many issues, not enough battery charge on the mac.

I have the worst timing in the world. i should get an award.