today, i walked into the living room to see my sister, surrounded by about 5 pairs of shoes. All of them, being old pairs of both soccer and softball cleats. All used to be worn by me.
i watched her for a few minutes as she tried on pair after pair, looking for the perfect fit. And i felt a pang of sadness. i left, not able to watch her any longer. I went out to the back pourch and watched the thunder and lighting on the sky and memories overcame me. i never thought i would miss the feeling of the glove on my hand, or the sound of the bat making contact with the ball. The smell of the freshly cut fields or the anticipation of kick-off. And i wondered, what woudl it be like to still be enjoying and participation these activites.
its silly. Its not like i was any good at soccer, and i was only slightly above average at softball. i've always been an awkward athlete, but still, i sat there, wondering "what if". What if i was still apart of that cultish group called softball? (and i didnt even contemplate soccer, i know i was REAL bad at that. i mean REAL bad.) Would i be different? Would i have different friends? Would people still think of me as me?
And as i stood there, watcing the splendor of the sky and the storm, i stopped and knew, im where God wants me. I wanted to be an athlete so bad, for so long, and i dont even know why. And i know, now, that that is NOT what God wanted for me. He's using me in different ways, in different areas, preparing me for things that i he is going to do through me. And those things, do not involve me being the best softball or soccer player around. God's got something planned for me... and i cant wait to see what he has in store. And im so glad he decieded to take me along for the ride.
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I remember during Bald Soprano when all that stuff was going on with your knee. I knew you loved softball. In fact, I think that's how I saw you - Crystal the softball player. I remember all the stress we had in rehearsals trying to get you out of practices that you couldn't even participate in. But what I really remember is Mrs. Elizabeth Martin. Always perfectly in character. Always stylized to the crazy absurdity of Ionesco. Just right for the role. And gosh darn it, she won an award at region. And she was a part of one of my favorite experiences ever.
You were a good softball player. You could probably still toss the ball around pretty well if you tried. But you're an even better actress. And in a few years, you might give that up to be best at something else. That's what always struck me about you giving up softball. I was honestly perplexed, because I couldn't imagine giving up track.
I'm pathetically loquacious and sentimental these days... forgive me... I'm approaching the point. Promise.
I've always admired your willingness to change and adapt, regardless of the circumstances. Keep going with what your gifts are, because you bless others with them more than you know. This year, I left track and did the musical. Thanks for your example. It gave me another one of those amazing experiences.
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