today, i walked into the living room to see my sister, surrounded by about 5 pairs of shoes. All of them, being old pairs of both soccer and softball cleats. All used to be worn by me.
i watched her for a few minutes as she tried on pair after pair, looking for the perfect fit. And i felt a pang of sadness. i left, not able to watch her any longer. I went out to the back pourch and watched the thunder and lighting on the sky and memories overcame me. i never thought i would miss the feeling of the glove on my hand, or the sound of the bat making contact with the ball. The smell of the freshly cut fields or the anticipation of kick-off. And i wondered, what woudl it be like to still be enjoying and participation these activites.
its silly. Its not like i was any good at soccer, and i was only slightly above average at softball. i've always been an awkward athlete, but still, i sat there, wondering "what if". What if i was still apart of that cultish group called softball? (and i didnt even contemplate soccer, i know i was REAL bad at that. i mean REAL bad.) Would i be different? Would i have different friends? Would people still think of me as me?
And as i stood there, watcing the splendor of the sky and the storm, i stopped and knew, im where God wants me. I wanted to be an athlete so bad, for so long, and i dont even know why. And i know, now, that that is NOT what God wanted for me. He's using me in different ways, in different areas, preparing me for things that i he is going to do through me. And those things, do not involve me being the best softball or soccer player around. God's got something planned for me... and i cant wait to see what he has in store. And im so glad he decieded to take me along for the ride.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Thursday, May 3, 2007
A 4 letter Word
Its May.
Which, for every Junior and Senior, is an intense and exciting month. In 4 quick weeks i will be a senior, leader of the school. In those 4 short weeks i will also become a counselor, sent to live without airconditioning and Tivo for 8 weeks. people willbe trusting their children to me. talk about scary, and yet im very, very excited about all of this. But there is one May event that has plagued me for sometime now. its foolish,a nd very worldly, and yet it has become the single thing that i dread and love equally. Prom.
Let me depict for you what i see in my mind: this event that entails putting on a dress thats just uncomfortable enough to make you look good, you put so much hairspray in your hair that the hole int he ozone layer grows, you drive to an over priced venue of your choice, all to what? wobble around on the floor to music with people who get crocked? yeah it sounds real stupid, and yet, i want to go so bad.
there of course is one thing that is desired of this event that i was kinda looking forward too.... the Date.
well, through several strange and unusual events... i ( along with my 2 very best friends) have ended up without said date. and i wont lie, i was pretty freakin bummed. So bummed it seemed to consume everything i said and did, and it got slighty embarassing. i even cried. im talking big alligator tears streaming down my face... all for what? a stupid dance and boy i dont even "like". yeah. im sooo 17.
i say all this because tonight i went to a friends house, to watch Grey's (anatomy) and these 2 friends are ones who had dates, adn they were the unconventional and strange date getters, that i must admit, i was jealous of. Well i was with these girls and we of course attacked the subject of Prom right off and i saw the look in one friend's eyes. The look said she was sorry for me, but simultaneously, the look showed me how excited she was. and trust me, when this girl is excited, you know it. and i sat there on her couch and knew, its ok. I dont need no stinkin boy to have a good time. its been said all along by multiple people, but tonight, i believed it.
so i will go. to Prom that is. ill put on my uncomfortable but gorgeous dress, ill go swimming in hairspray, ill let my father drive me to the over priced venue, ill dance awkawardly (though i will NOT be getting crocked, thanks) and i will have a good time. Cause you know what, its cool.
oh May.
Which, for every Junior and Senior, is an intense and exciting month. In 4 quick weeks i will be a senior, leader of the school. In those 4 short weeks i will also become a counselor, sent to live without airconditioning and Tivo for 8 weeks. people willbe trusting their children to me. talk about scary, and yet im very, very excited about all of this. But there is one May event that has plagued me for sometime now. its foolish,a nd very worldly, and yet it has become the single thing that i dread and love equally. Prom.
Let me depict for you what i see in my mind: this event that entails putting on a dress thats just uncomfortable enough to make you look good, you put so much hairspray in your hair that the hole int he ozone layer grows, you drive to an over priced venue of your choice, all to what? wobble around on the floor to music with people who get crocked? yeah it sounds real stupid, and yet, i want to go so bad.
there of course is one thing that is desired of this event that i was kinda looking forward too.... the Date.
well, through several strange and unusual events... i ( along with my 2 very best friends) have ended up without said date. and i wont lie, i was pretty freakin bummed. So bummed it seemed to consume everything i said and did, and it got slighty embarassing. i even cried. im talking big alligator tears streaming down my face... all for what? a stupid dance and boy i dont even "like". yeah. im sooo 17.
i say all this because tonight i went to a friends house, to watch Grey's (anatomy) and these 2 friends are ones who had dates, adn they were the unconventional and strange date getters, that i must admit, i was jealous of. Well i was with these girls and we of course attacked the subject of Prom right off and i saw the look in one friend's eyes. The look said she was sorry for me, but simultaneously, the look showed me how excited she was. and trust me, when this girl is excited, you know it. and i sat there on her couch and knew, its ok. I dont need no stinkin boy to have a good time. its been said all along by multiple people, but tonight, i believed it.
so i will go. to Prom that is. ill put on my uncomfortable but gorgeous dress, ill go swimming in hairspray, ill let my father drive me to the over priced venue, ill dance awkawardly (though i will NOT be getting crocked, thanks) and i will have a good time. Cause you know what, its cool.
oh May.
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